And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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