Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
