dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
