So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
