i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
