We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
