you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
