WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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