Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
