There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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