how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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