The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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