good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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