I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
People in love make me want to vomit
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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