i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
actually, I'm a sock model
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
