I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
