Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
