after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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