hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
