just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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