well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
