you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
