Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
