Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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