They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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