My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
