If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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