That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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