just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
