How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
