you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
