I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
