threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
try to milk me bitch
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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