my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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