Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
