remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
