so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
