she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
