my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
