just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
