Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
