I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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