I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
