four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
