We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So much Jack, so little girl.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
