Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
