So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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