Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
