a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
