I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
