don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
