operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
