Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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