I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
